I don’t like reminders of my limitations because, in my head, I have none. But some days, it’s all about the little things. Yesterday was one of those days; everything was just a little bit off. My fine motor skills, my timing but most of all my patience were testing me. The weather was unseasonably cool and it had rained a lot during the week, but I wanted to get a bike ride in. I needed the exercise and I wanted a change of scenery. I have ridden this route about a hundred times; I drive to a trail head unload my bike and go. I like this route because I can make it as long or as short as I want. But something was different.
There were no other cars in the parking lot. Still, I began to unload my bike. I noticed three teen-age boys coming off the tail, they stopped where I was getting my bike ready, “the trail is flooded, you can’t get through” one of them said. This trail runs along a river and the water was high due to rain that we had all week. I thanked them for letting me know and decided to ride another trial. I loaded my bike back on the rack, and drove off. The second trail is less scenic, but still it’s a nice ride. Again, I unloaded my bike, but this time, my fine motor skills were out of sync. I dropped my gloves not once, not twice but three times. I had a difficult time entering the password on the app on my phone, and on it went. A lot of little things that I do when I ride suddenly became problematic. Normally, I wouldn’t get frustrated when I drop something as insignificant as my gloves but that day it got to me. It was like I was all thumbs.
The day ended with me chauffeuring my wife and daughters downtown to a concert. It started late, so it would have been difficult for me to go and make it through it all; late nights are not my thing. My wife knew that, and I believe that she was acting out of concern for my well-being when she decided not to buy me a ticket. I was thanked for being their Uber driver, still it felt like a limitation was placed on me that I was not fully ready to concede. Not the way I had hoped that my day would have ended.
I hope that it doesn’t come across that I am immobile or incapacitated in any way. That is the farthest from the truth. I am still very active and independent. I can do almost every that I could do before it was determined that I had PD. I usually walk a little over a mile each morning; it’s a dog-less walk since our new puppy isn’t quite ready to be my companion.
I suspect that by now you may be asking yourself, what is the point of this week’s post? Originally, my blog was entitled Striving for Normalcy while living with Parkinson’s, except there is one problem, normal can be taken as synonymous for boring. The only thing worse than reading about someone’s boring mundane life is writing about one. It’s like trying to be clever and charming while discussing painting drywall. It’s a tall order.
Lately I have been reading a few blogs, yes written by real bloggers, that proclaim to hold the secrets to a fabulous life. Better yet, they are willing to share their secrets for a fee, a paid membership, or some other creative means to separate me from the contents in my wallet. I don’t proclaim to have any such wisdom to share, I have only questions; questions that are looking to be answered outside of my own frame of reference. Two questions came to mind. One, what does it take to relentlessly strive for an extraordinary life, one of meaning, purpose and passion; two, how do I sustain these efforts when I have a day that is filled with reminders that I have a degenerative condition; challenging my envisioned utopia?
Not all days are easy are they, but we press on, don’t we? We find what works for us. Each of the writers had something useful to contribute; self-discipline, goal setting, envisioning success, dream big, etc. It’s as if it’s possible to speak, even will, a new reality into existence. Something tells me that the answer may be more simple. For example, can I compartmentalize one aspect of my life with the expectation that it will not have an impact on other areas?
Early last week I became aware that I have been neglecting my exercise routine and my lack of disciple was having an impact on my energy levels, on my thinking process and even my mood. Thursday night, I decided to jump on my bike and go for a ride; around the lake the long way is about 6.5 miles. I pushed “start workout” on my app and took off. A little over a mile into my ride, I could hear an unusual road noise. I had a flat tire. Using a portable pump, I filled up the tire and got back on my bike. About 300-feet later the same sound returned. It was flat again and I knew that I would not be able to ride home. I had two options, both unappealing. The first, call my emergency contact person, in this case, my older daughter and have her pick me up; the second, walk my bike home. I was only 1.5 miles away, so I decided to take my bike for a walk. (I will pause here to allow for the word picture to develop.) After all, the point of the bike ride was to get exercise not just to go for a ride. I learned a valuable lesson that night. Instead of getting irritated that I couldn’t complete my ride, I used the opportunity to get the exercise that I desperately needed. When I got home, I felt better than before I left. My mind was telling me to get up and move but my body was telling me something to the contrary.
I wanted to do something that I found contributes to my quest for an extraordinary life; I wanted to write. But first I needed to do something to clear my head of all of the garbage that was clutter. I was drifting into a malaise and all it took was a walk to get me back into a state of mind where I could think.
So I guess I do have a nugget of truth to share with you, a beacon of light that will shine through the morass. Sometimes, you have to complete a simple ordinary task, like exercise, to help you continue on your journey to a life that can be extraordinary. Some days, it is all about the little things.
That will be $2.99.
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