Ask, and you will receive! Is that what you were told?  When I was growing up, the questions were,  “Can I have something, like a new bike?… Can I do something, can I fly to the moon?… Can I be someone; maybe Superman?” Different types of questions, all met with the same simple answer, “No.” The years pass and life happens; careers falter, relationships crumble, and our health wanes. Once again, the focus turns to questions in search of answers.

Consider the story of Job, a wealthy man, with stature in his community, had many children and was blessed with good health. Aside from the many children, it sounds like the perfect world! One by one, he lost his wealth and standing, his family, even his health!

Confused and demoralized, Job wanted an explanation; his friends offer none. He went so far as to demand answers from the Creator of the Universe no less. I too have many questions that remain unanswered. Maybe today is the day to ask! Maybe today I will receive.

Can I Have Something?

For those new to reading my posts, I have Parkinson’s, a progressively degenerative condition that I am managing exceptionally well according to those that wear white coats with all the letters behind their names. But to manage is not the same as to be free from.

Now and then, the dream of a cure that I will be healed from my disease resurfaces. In many respects I have found healing; I have found peace where anger once ruled the day, I have found comfort in my humanity, and I found purpose in my voice. But healing is not the same as a cure, is it?

Today, I felt the need to ask the question in a more direct way, “Can I have my health back…or will I ever be healed from this disease?” The answer that I get comes through as garbled lexicon, indicative of a 1990’s sitcom. “No Soup for You!”

I didn’t think that I was asking for a cup of Tomato Bisque, I asked for the ability to walk across the room in the wee hours of the morning without shuffling my feet. I have no idea what to do with that answer.

Can I Do Something?

Did I mention that Parkinson’s Disease is progressively degenerative? That means that over time, in all likelihood, my symptoms will worsen. They may not, but that is the most common trajectory. Is degeneration a certainty? If so what does that mean?

Do I sell my home and buy something smaller? Do I sell my treasured firearm collection and buy boxes of plastic bibs that I will need to catch the inevitable dribble of gruel that will run down my chin while being fed by another? Will my final days resemble those of my mother, confined to an institutionalized setting?

Once again, I feel as if the question needs to be asked, to this one I demand an answer! “Can I live independently… or will PD impact my activities of daily living?” Strangely, the answer is the same, “No Soup for You!”

Did I ask for a bowl of Jambalaya? No, I want to know what my future holds. Apparently, my question was not understood.

Can I Be Someone?

This question instills the greatest fear in me. What happens if I can no longer use my mind to work, to write or to remember? What happens if my understanding of current events and what is going on around me is cloudy to the point that I can no longer discern fact from fiction. Dare I even ask, “What will happen to me if I begin to believe what CNN reports is real?”

Still, I must ask. I must dive in the deepest and darkest waters in search of what lies ahead. “Can I always be me..or will I experience a debilitating cognitive impairment or another form of dementia?” Again, the same answer, “No Soup for You?”

I ask for clarity and direction, both necessary to chart my future and make decisions that address the needs of my family, and your response is to deny me even a simple bowl of Chicken Noodle Soup?

What Did I Receive?

Job didn’t get his questions answered either, at least not in the way that he expected. The answers that he received were sufficient for him to understand who he was, his purpose and his place in the Created order. He was affirmed, not for what he had or what he could offer, but for who he was made to be in the eyes of the Creator.

Can you live without knowing what your future holds? If you can’t, I can offer you this — today ask for the strength to endure what you will endure today, ask for the grace for tomorrow for what you will confront tomorrow. Finally, ask for the wisdom and peace to know what efforts you will need to invest today and what needs to be held in reserve so you can endure tomorrow.

Ask this, and you will receive this!

I am going to go out on a limb; It makes a difference from whom you are searching for answers. I may be wrong, but you won’t find the answers to the questions that keep you awake at night from the gentleman wearing a white apron, who doesn’t understand what brought you to the place you now find yourself, selling soup out of a storefront. I suspect he is an actor trying to stay in character for a TV show!

Have questions, so do I! I have found some answers. If you are interested, feel free to ask. I am considering setting up a helpline. It should be interesting! #itstimeforsoup

Or maybe it’s just time I turn off the Seinfeld binge-a-thon and take my dog for a walk.

Ivy, grab your bags. Let’s go! No, you can’t visit the German Shepard, he’s from the other side of the pond.

Thanks for reading, liking, and sharing,

Al and his faithful, and love-struck sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.