by Al Van Dyk | Mar 4, 2018 | Pivot Points
Before the wheels of the plane hit the tarmac in Midland, Texas around 12:30 AM last Saturday, the airport was closing for the night. Even though it was nearly empty, I was confident that I would be better off in Midland than stranded in the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. For a few brief moments, I was thrilled to be there, that was until I noticed that only one rental car counter was open and it wasn’t the one that I needed. All my hopes of leaving Midland anytime soon were quickly disappearing.
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by Al Van Dyk | Feb 18, 2018 | Attitude is Everything
When chaos breaks out, we search out anything that will give us a glimpse of normal and the familiar. Our natural tendency is to look for a safe place; a refuge. Somewhere between the refuge and the chaos, lies the messy middle; a place characterized by the unforeseen, the unknown and the unimaginable. It is from that place, the messy middle, that I write.
A Time to Grieve
Some of you know my lovely wife Lisa, and you know that she and her family have been walking beside their ailing mother, caring for her physical and emotional needs. A little over a week ago, her mother lost her year-long battle with cancer. During that time, Lisa had to redefine what it means to be a normal wife and mother, a normal employee and a normal friend. Now with her mother gone, once again that dreaded word will take on a whole new meaning as she attempts to create new routines out of the broken pieces of what was once her refuge. Her loss weighs heavily on her heart.
A Time to Hold On
Lisa’s frequent and unanticipated absences had ramifications at home as one would expect. Her absence opened the door to an atmosphere of chaos with a hint of Lysol cleaner. In her absence, Ian and I, each in our way, found ourselves searching for glimpses of normal. We found ourselves unprepared to answer questions like, “How would Lisa get this ice cream stain out of my shirt or cook this meatloaf in that crock pot?”
Ian maintained his connection to his mom though her words of comfort and assurance via early morning telephones call on his way to school. I took to housework to keep the messes contained to her satisfaction. I picked up her endless battle to keep the kitchen counter clean, and the living room floor picked up just in case someone would stop by unannounced.
While Lisa was gone to be at her mother’s side, a more significant share of the household duties landed on my plate. For the longest time, I was just an accountant with a hobby. During the past few months, I added grocery shopper, laundry services, homework helper, taxi, chef and bottle washer. As someone I admire told me, I had to step up to the plate and rebalance my priorities; which required that I put something on hold. Unfortunately, it was this.
A Time to Build Up
Since I started this blog, some might say that I have been somewhat flippant about living with Parkinson’s. I can assure you that I am not. I write from the perspective that I have an extraordinary life, but before I could, I had to redefine normal. When what we hold close is suddenly taken away, and the familiar is gone, the tendency is to grab on to anything that is familiar even when that something is inadequate to meet our needs.
Lisa is the bond that holds all of the pieces of our family in place. She brings order and structure, while I tend to run loose. She served as a reminder to me that we are stronger than we think we are.
A Time to Dance
Over the coming weeks and months, with Lisa back, our routines will slowly be re-established as we regroup. We will find glimpses of normal, and in many ways, create new normals that will enable us to reclaim a sense of peace and a semblance of order.
As a family, we look forward to the day, with great anticipation, to a time when Lisa’s laughter replaces her sorrow, and her sense of loss yields to the fond memories of what she had, someone who was so special to her for so long.
If, in your travels, you see my lovely wife, you will see a pillar of strength with a gentle and giving spirit that still puts the needs of others before her own. She is an exceptional lady, and I am blessed to have her as my wife.
Thank you for allowing me into your home and share this with you.
Next week we will return to our regularly scheduled program line-up.
Thanks for reading, liking, and sharing.
Al and his faithful sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
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by Al Van Dyk | Jan 23, 2018 | Attitude is Everything
“It’s just a rock,” the young Princess Dot tells Flick. To Flick, the rock was is a representation of a seed that contains all of the building blocks that are already inside of us that just needed to be nurtured. Over time that seed to which Flick was referring will grow into something amazing like an oak tree. Flick never landed the plane so to speak, to Dot the rock will forever be a rock and Flick will forever be eccentric. Are you a Dot or a Flick?
The Dreamer
Flick is out there. He is a dreamer, a starry-eyed, “We can do this” kind of guy, unhinged from reality. He thinks he can change the world. He sees warriors in a bunch of has-been circus performers and is willing to risk it all, even the lives of those around him, rather than accept his place in his society’s created order. He lives his life covering his tracks with half-truths and “What if’s”instead of coming to grips with what is fact and what is fiction. Much to our dismay, we all have a Flick in our lives.
What would Flick do with a bucket of rocks? Would he just lug them around, complaining about his stiff back, or would he try to make something useful out of them? My guess he is your go-to guy if someone delivered a truck-load of lemons to your door. As much as we hate to admit it, we all need a Flick in our lives.
The Princess
Her assessment of Flick was summed up in two words, “You’re weird.” Dot is the impressionable mind, too inexperienced to see threats that are real, too enamored with a future that awaits, confident that it will be free from challenges and strife. She lives in a bubble, a community of kindred spirits, consumed with her iPhone and Instagram.
She represents that teenager living in our house and his or her friends that reside in their orbit. They take life as it comes, never thinking too deeply, never invested too heavily, preferring to live a life that is warm and fluffy. Who can blame them, as they grow up, too often we shield them from the world as it exists and allow them to create a universe in which they are the center?
The Bucket – Redux
At times, we jump to a conclusion or accept a premise before we assess or analyze what is coming at us. We conclude that those rocks that are in the bucket are necessary to maintain the life that we dream of is our unavoidable cross to bear. Do you ever take the time you look in your bucket assess what is worthy of a coveted spot? How much of what you and I carry is due to a conscious choice? That which consumes space, in part, may represent an interest, an ideology or a dream whose time has come and gone.
Of course, there are things we carry that embody what life throws at us; these will always demand a place in our buckets, maybe just for a season or maybe to shorten our season. But there are also times that we fill our buckets with treasures and trinkets collected from flea markets and souvenir shops on our journey that take up valuable real estate. What would happen if we got rid of some of this nonsense that we unwittingly hand down to future generations, would our buckets be more manageable and less burdensome?
Hoarders Beware
In my bucket, you might find some smaller rocks that represent remnants from past endeavors that are no longer viable; now merely pipe dreams that serve no foreseeable purpose. In my lovely wife’s, you might find the worries that only a mother and wife can carry. Maybe its time to empty our buckets once again, and remove some of the debris; the worries, the apprehension, the doubt and the distrust that found their way in, having encroached on the valuable space once reserved for ingenuity, optimism passion and trust.
It’s a misconception that our buckets always need to be full. It’s our responsibility to make sure that what’s in them equips and prepares us to provide for our needs, however, its equally important that we have capacity to spare so we have the freedom to act when we get the privilege to carry each other’s burdens and lighten each other’s load.
So what rocks are in your bucket? Do you need them to help you get where you are going, building a bridge or a path to your future? If not, if what is in your bucket is holding you back, what can you shed to lighten your load?
Thanks for reading and liking, sharing is a bonus
Good point Ivy, I see that everything you carry fits nicely in your fanny pack. They are indeed useful accessories.
Al and his faithful sidekick, and space conscious companion, Ivy the wonder pup.
That’s where you keep your trading cards? Did you print your own trading cards?
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by Al Van Dyk | Jan 15, 2018 | Attitude is Everything
Hodie foveam; cherish today. You have a chance to write your story, will you take it? If so, who will be your audience; the few, the power brokers, the beautiful and the celebrated? Or will it be the many; the broken, the outcast, the incarcerated, the dregs of society and the politician? Still unsure? You can start by writing your story to an audience of one!
Cherish the Moment
We are the hero in our story, and it’s ours to cherish. We think of our story in the context of who is listening and who we think would care. Ask yourself, who would connect with your story; the 1% or the refugee living on pennies a day, or neither? What a daunting decision, yet each day we decide who we want to be part of our story and with whom we will share it.
Today, someone somewhere will live out a mountain top experience, creating memories that he or she will cherish for a lifetime, while some other poor soul will endure his or her worst nightmare. Some events will make it into the highlight reel and will be retold at family gatherings long after we are gone. Others are fodder for home-made YouTube videos, bloopers and out-takes, so embarrassing or so horrific that we pray that others will soon forget. Lastly, there are those tragic events that rock our world; it’s the stuff that shapes our worldview. As much as we would like to forget, it is these that we relive and remember.
For some, today is just an extension of yesterday, and all of the yesterdays before, defined by the will to resist falling victim to the mundane or to yield to the inevitable. The day begins with a restlessness that prompts us to get out of bed; taunting us to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary and to accept the challenge to make our story come to life. Some would say it’s a calling, initiated by the burning desire to harness that restlessness and direct it into something intended to inspire and meant to cherish. For many of us, our past experiences are indicative of our future endeavors!
Scotty, We Need More Power
What will it take for us to consider writing our story from the perspective that today is a new day, one rich with possibilities? We can start with a clean slate. We have no recollection of the experiences and events that formed the scar tissue we carry. We are the soldier with no memory of the battles we fought, the doctor with no recall of how many lives you saved or lost or the starry-eyed politician who forgot how many times he sold out his constituency. You bear the wounds but do not carry the memories.
Could we even write our story without a clear understanding of where we have been? Would we sign up for that five-year mission to boldly go where no man had gone before you if we knew that there is a tractor beam that keeps us tethered to our past? So, where do we go from here? To begin, we must come to grips with this paradox — we build our future on our past, but our past need not define our future.
Hodie Foveam
Those of us with degenerative conditions have the burden of living in the shadow that today may very well be the best day for the rest of our lives. But guess what, those of you who don’t have degenerative conditions have the same prospect before you. With that said, who has the more significant challenge to cherish the day, those of us with an incentive of which we are aware, or those who live in ignorance that their motivation should be different?
Cherish today! Today, we get 24 hours to use as we see fit and to live but once. What will you do today to make your story one you will cherish and is worthy of retelling?
How are you going to hodie foveam?
Thanks for reading and liking; sharing is always appreciated.
Nice touch with the Latin, Ivy. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when the battery to your iPhone dies.
Al and his faithful, but isolated sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
Sorry, Ivy, we will have to wait a week or so to share our big news.
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by Al Van Dyk | Jan 1, 2018 | Pivot Points
Warning: The following list of My Top Ten New Years Resolutions is not for the faint of heart. It contains sarcasm and innuendo that some of you may consider objectionable. I can assure you that any references to duct-tape, NFL quarterbacks, balls of yarn and kittens are hypothetical and references to such should not be conjoined in any way. Please proceed with caution; slippery slope ahead.
As of Sunday, December 31, 2017,
- I hereby resolve to look up the word hereby and use it correctly ten more times before midnight. Furthermore, I hereby resolve to write 500 words per day even if it’s the same word 500-times, or simply write 500 words each day.
- I hereby resolve to start a diet that I can stick with, even if it means that I use duct-tape to attach it to my wrist like an NFL quarterback would wear his playbook.
- I hereby resolve to be more patient and sympathetic to the whining —sorry, grievances — of my sidekick, oops, wingman, err…that would be my wing-dog. I think I’m safe here. I don’t think its possible to be less sympathetic than I was last year.
- I hereby resolve to expand the definition of exercise to include delegated activities that I am far too old to do such as snow blowing the driveway and mowing the lawn. Wait, I’m still doing those things.
- I hereby resolve to watch only reality TV. I will resist watching any television or visit any websites that invite independent thought and that foster critical thinking. I am waiting for my talking points from that secret society whose members make that triangle shape with their hands as to whether Fox News is considered propaganda or fantasy.
- I hereby resolve to get more Facebook friends, even if I have to pay for them with bit-coins or post nothing but images of kittens playing innocently with a ball of yarn.
- I hereby resolve to only aim for achievements that I can accomplish while wearing flannel loungewear in public. Expectations that I wear business casual every day are nothing more than another divisive tactic to drive a wedge between the working class and the creatives.
- I hereby resolve to be a better husband and father using definitions described as ambiguous and self-serving. I will encourage my wife and children to submit their definitions of better for consideration.
- I will forego watching any professional sports where the players, coaches, front office staff or parking lot attendants attempt to make a political statement. Your product is for entertainment purposes only, not all that different from the Simpsons or Tim Allen’s Last Man Standing.
- I hereby resolve to fight and encourage my comrades to join me in battle, against the perception that those of us with Parkinson’s Disease have their best days in their rearview mirror. We will be relentless, advancing this message every day, all day, as if we can make a difference. Why, because we can make a difference!^^
^^Disclaimers: All terminology contained in these resolutions is pending and subject to review by legal counsel. Any tone, language, demeanor that is deemed to be aggressive, inflammatory or invoke images of military conquests may be recanted if needed so not to offend any baby-boomers, Gen-Xer’s and Snowflakes. (May be, but I wouldn’t bank on it!)
Happy New Year,
Your right Ivy, that bottle of wine did loosen you up a bit. Writing this was much more fun than the world domination piece we did last year. I agree we could never have pulled this off if Lisa were home. You realize, as acting editor, your career will take the hit if this goes south?
Al and his faithful, now demoted sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
