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How to Regain Control of Your Ticks

How to Regain Control of Your Ticks

by | Oct 23, 2017 | Attitude is Everything

Yes, you can still find them, but it is getting harder! Ticks more specifically, a clock that ticks. There is a sense of permanence in the sound of a ticking  clock. I haven’t heard that sound in years but earlier this week, the rhythmic sound emanating from the corner of my dining room of a ticking clock, captured my attention. Even in the digital age in which we live, whether we hear it or not, time still ticks away.

Everything is Different

It was early in the morning, one day this week, that it became apparent that I forgot a lesson that I learned just a few months back. Once again misinterpreted “chat” to mean “chat” when it’s obvious that it’s a code word that could also mean a telephone call. I was up and getting ready to write this weeks post when a message on the bottom or my screen popped up from a friend who wanted to “chat.” You can imagine my surprise when my lovely wife walked into the living room and handed me my phone some time around 1:30 AM.

He and I have something in common. He is on the same journey as I, with the exception of  his 10-year head start, trying to navigate the subtle changes in our respective conditions. It was near the end of our conversation when he made mention of the degenerative nature of Parkinson’s. He noticed a progression in his condition over the past few years. He concluded our chat with a reminder that, “Time was ticking away.” At the time, I didn’t read much into  it. After all, it was early.

“Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different.” ~ C.S. Lewis

Counting Ticks

Recently, I was surprised with a generous gift given to me by my Aunt. My father, when he was still alive, sold his grandfather clock to her. When she began to simplify her life, she felt that it was necessary that the clock should be returned to someone in his family. I was the recipient of her generosity. It’s ironic that only a few hours after my conversation with my friend, it was the ticking of that grandfather clock that was capturing my attention and keeping me awake. Yes, even in this digital age, time still ticks away.

Time has a natural rhythm; each day has the same number of hours, each hour has the same number of minutes, and each minute has the same number of seconds. Like most mornings, I measure the time that I spent awake in terms of minutes or hours. What would happen if I were to convert those minutes and hours to the number of ticks coming from that clock?

That morning, I allowed my disease to own me for 7,200 ticks of my clock. If that same scenario plays out five times each week, the number grows to 36,000 ticks, and even more disturbing 1,872,000 ticks annually are taken off my clock.

The Loss of the Ticks

I would like nothing more than to get my ticks back. However, I have accepted as reality that it isn’t going to happen. I want dexterity in my hand to return, but I may have to concede that it is gradually waning. I would be thrilled if I could walk through the house at night without shuffling my feet, but that too seems less likely with each tick of the clock. There may come a day that I, too, will reiterate the same sentiments as my friend that, “Time is ticking away.” So where does that leave me? Does the quote from Frankyl referenced in my last post still hold?

Maybe I am reaching too far back. Maybe I don’t need to look back any farther than one of my loyal readers who has a knack of finding just the words of wisdom. His simple words..

“Today, I choose to be happy and blessed.”

Today I am reminded never to quit fighting and never to give up; not to allow what I lost, to cloud what I found; or to beg for the return to an illusion at the expense of what is real. His words are now mine…

“Today, I choose to be happy and blessed”.

My thanks go out to all of you that are showing me how to make the most of my ticks.

Thanks for reading and liking, sharing is even better.

I know, Ivy, I ran a little long. No, you don’t get paid overtime.

Al and his faithful, but exacerbated sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.

You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are

You Are Stronger Than You Think You Are

by | Oct 9, 2017 | Attitude is Everything

You are, you knew that didn’t you? You are stronger than you think you are. How do I know? Because we all are, both collectively and individually. As a culture, we have endured persecution and the ravages of war, as cities and communities, we coalesce around our commonalities in the aftermath of natural and man-made disasters. As individuals, in spite of our apprehensions, we find creative and even humorous ways to adapt when we encounter threats to our livelihood or health. Each of us, even the often ridiculed “snowflakes,” have it within ourselves to withstand, or do one better, thrive in the face of adversity.

The Doubter

Sadly, we just don’t always believe that we do. We are asked to attach the label of hero, to someone handpicked by a vacuous talking head that seeks align their ideology of with that of hero, to be the face of resolve and of courage. In reality role models exists in our neighborhoods and our communities, virtually anywhere a handful gather. They are in our midst, neither looking for accolades nor longing for the limelight.

When I was first diagnosed I was given an assignment; read Man’s Search for Meaning, the account of Holocaust survivor, Viktor Frankl. He survived when others, considered to be stronger and more able to withstand the atrocities doled out by their oppressors, did not. How did he do it? He adopted this mindset, “He who has a ‘Why to live for’ can bear most any ‘How’.”

During these last few years, I have crossed paths with many who have shared with me their “Why”. A common theme emerged; each felt that they had something to contribute. Some were willing to sign up for clinical trials with the hope of developing new treatment options or even finding a cure; some would educate patients and caregivers while still others or walking beside someone recently diagnosed as they navigate their new reality. I don’t hear from them words of defeat, requests for pity or tirades of anger.

The Stronger

What do I see? Only what one could describe as a lot of average “Joe’s” doing what they have to do to provide for their families, pay their mortgages, and enjoy rich and rewarding lives. Who are they? By day, they are executives, bankers, salesmen, retirees and first responders that are hanging on tightly to what Frankl would describe as the last human freedom:

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” ~ Viktor Frankl, Holocaust Survivor.

If you would take any one of them aside and ask them how they are doing, each may allude to a challenging day here and there, an annoying new symptom, or a slightly diminished mobility, but each would conclude with a variation of this statement, “I’m doing good.”

The Finisher

They found a way by tapping into their “Why” in spite of this message that they hear from those same talking heads, “Society values the young and the healthy, those with vigor and vitality, and those that can keep their shirts clean while eating ice cream.” In short, don’t call us, we’ll call you.

Armed with the freedom to choose their own attitudes, they press on to fight another day, to engage in yet another battle for control of their own body, and in the worst of cases, to finish the race strong, with dignity and grace.

I realize that many, from all walks of life, choose to sit on the sidelines and accept the challenge before them as avoidable, insurmountable and just too daunting to engage. It is unfortunate, but a reality, that so many view themselves as victims, instead of what they are, victors in training.

Eventually, I too may lose my battle with Parkinson’s. But then again, it’s entirely possible that my demise will be the result of an asteroid the size of a school bus crashing into my living room while I’m asleep on the couch. Of the two, can you guess which of these is the more likely outcome?

You picked wisely.

Good idea Ivy! Let’s make up a sign, Space Rocks for Sale.

Thanks for reading, Liking, Sharing is Encouraged

Al and his faithful, and creative sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.

“Pay the dog? Really?”

Running From Our Past – Chasing Our Future

Running From Our Past – Chasing Our Future

by | Oct 4, 2017 | Attitude is Everything

There is a measure of tranquility that comes with living in the moment when we are neither running from our past nor chasing dreams of a better future. Do you ever find yourself longing for days gone by or lost in hopes for a better tomorrow at the expense of living in the moment? Consider asking your self this simple question, “Am I here?” If I’m not here, where am I?

Are you Here?

When my son needs a ride home from one of his friends, I can expect a text message asking this question while en route “Are you here.” Lately, my lovely wife has asked me the same question when she thinks that I’m not paying attention to her here and now. It happens less frequently than it used to, but it still happens. Recently I have been told that I hide in my home office, a room with glass doors that happens to be less than 15-feet away from the part of the house where everyone congregates. It must be those glass doors that make people think I am unreachable.

If I am not here, in the here and now, where would I be? The short answer would be “almost anywhere.” I might try living in the past, become a premium member of Classmates.com, trying to pick up where I left off some years back. If that couldn’t entice me to live in the past nothing will.

Instead of living in the past, living in the future might be a better option. But what would be my timeline, six weeks, six months, or six years? I could painstakingly plan my wardrobe for the next six weeks. I could research vacation destinations for next summer. I might even start thinking about what an empty nest would resemble. Unfortunately, external factors have away of compressing the definition of the word long in long-term planning

The issue at hand is that we connect our past to our future by a thread, and that thread is the here and the now. Strangely, the here and now is where I am drawn to; it’s where I invest my energy. I have no interest in revisiting what once was, only to the extent that I remember those costly lessons that I learned. With my plans for the future now punctuated with an asterisk, it seems fitting that my attention is drawn to how do I make the most of today; on the here and now,

“Yes, dear, I am here. There is no other place I would rather be.”

Running From Our Past

Do you remember this scene from the Disney movie The Lion King? After spending some time running from his past, Simba is forced to confront his response to the past when Rafiki whack’s him on the side of the head with his stick. Simba, reacts as expected, “Ow, what was that for?” to which Rafiki responds, “What difference does it make, it’s in the past?”

“But it still hurts” exclaimed Simba.

It does hurt, well, it can hurt. We don’t think of the past in terms of describing the specifics of how long something hurts, but how much it hurts. In contrast, when it’s a pleasant experience, we say things like, “That weekend was the best” or “the week that we were on vacation was amazing!”

The sound of the stick hitting the side of our head lingers much longer than the bump left by the impact. To live in the past, or to relive the past, we can’t avoid the sound of the stick.

Chasing our Future

We don’t have to look that far back into our past to see how some of those decisions and uncontrollable events have shaped our future. It’s a delicate and ever-changing thread, that has little to do with the calendar that connects our past to our future. Something that happened last week can have a greater impact on our future than something that occurred years ago.

Every investment advisor has a variation of this statement engrained in his vocabulary, “Past performance is not indicative of future results.” Translation, what happened in the past may or may not represent our future. The optimist would assert that it should if we prepare, we plan, and we preserve some of today for tomorrow. The pessimist would likely dismiss the need to think beyond our interests of today.

Life can and does usually happen with complete disregard for our plans. It has a way to impress upon us where our priorities must lie.

Living in the Moment

So if living in the past directs our thoughts inward (self-absorbed), running from the past implies that there is nothing to learn from which we can draw wisdom (ignorant), and obsessing about our future can give us heartburn and ulcers (escaping), what’s left? What remains is what is left in the middle, our here and our now. We can plan for the future as we should, we just need to factor in some uncertainty if we expect that our plan will come to fruition without flaws or that someone else’s plan doesn’t collide with our own.”

Then there are those that are living in the moment when suddenly gun-fire breaks out; a time that was meant to be carefree will forever be defined by panic and mayhem, that in itself makes living in the moment unimaginable and unbearable. Living in the moment is suddenly interrupted by someone who was running from their past and chose an action that deprived so many the chance to chase their future.

With that, I leave you with this, “When did it become commonplace to inflict our misery on others? When did life get so cheap?

Thanks for reading and liking; sharing is aways appreciated

Al and his faithful and patient sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.

Thank for waiting Ivy, Grab you leash if you still want to go for a walk

Why Birthday Greetings Matter

Why Birthday Greetings Matter

by | Sep 24, 2017 | Family and Friends

The Best Birthday Ever

This week I want to take a break from my ordinary ramblings and share a personal note of thanks to so many that have touched my life over the past six years. Monday morning, on my birthday, I opened my Facebook page only to find a message posted by my wife, my rock, that was way to kind and far to gracious. More on that later, maybe.

My birthday serves as a marker of sorts. It represents the beginning of a journey, one that would soon become my battle with Parkinson’s. It is only fitting that I take a moment to thank all those that have stood alongside, or walked beside me. Whether you like it or not, you are part of my story.

It was at my 50th birthday party, a gift from my wife, where it became evident to others, then to her and finally to me, that something was wrong. Doctor’s appointments would soon follow, complete with the now all-too familiar mobility and dexterity tests, that would all culminate into a life-changing declaration by a man in a white coat with letters behind his name, “You have Parkinson’s.”

We are Family

As the saying goes, you don’t get to pick your family. My family has been my rock. If it were not for my lovely wife, I would still be in de-Nile; sorry typo. Siri, I was not referring to a river in Egypt. Never mind. My three children have watched their father change from a cantankerous “old man who didn’t like kids” to a cantankerous old man who thinks the world of each of them.

My brother and sister and their respective families were surprised to learn that their brother can write. From the beginning, they have been faithful readers and loyal supporters interjecting words of affirmation and support with enough encouragement to keep me writing and enough truth to keep me humble.

Lisa’s family has covered me with heart-felt words of compassion and concern at times when their words would mean the most to one so undeserving. You have followed my story with your own commentary and support. You are able to put aside my digs at your mascot; an inebriated Sparty pulling a tanker of gasoline and carrying the family pack of Bic lighters. My thanks to you for so faithfully reading, liking and sharing.

I extend my heartfelt gratitude to my professional network of co-workers, contractors, peers, and professionals, that would look beyond the occasional tremor or typing errors, who still see me as one who is vibrant and capable with a brilliant mind unencumbered by a physical condition.

Warriors and Travelers

Then there are those with whom I now share a bond. To David and to Joe and Chris, to Paul and to Brian, you are “brothers from another mother.” Each of you continue to find a way to adapt, to fight and to win. Through you and because of you, resolve has a face and courage a name. I have the privilege to stand in your shoes and to weave my story with yours. 

Saints in Our Midst

Then there all those of you that fall into this camp — friends new and longstanding that have generously shared words of encouragement showering my family and me with prayers for compassion. You are a beacon, giving me a glimpse of Heaven on Earth. My thanks go out to Steve, to Randy, to Bill and Donna, to Kristin and to Merlin, to Ben, Bob and Julie and friends at Jamestown Harbor, to Lisa’s Bible study girls and to the old neighbors and of course the new!

Time and Distance

Finally, there are a few that I have not officially told, those who have been a part of my life in years past but because of my laziness and drift, I have lost touch. I couldn’t help but notice your name on the list of those passing along their best wishes; I thank you for your open hand of friendship.

My Rock

If you have read my blog for any length of time, you will notice that I frequently refer to my ability to write as a gift, as “…something given generously to the undeserving intended to be a blessing to others.” At the risk of sounding pretentious, I write because I have story to tell and I have this gift, the ability to connect words with thoughts in creative ways, meant “to be a blessing to others.” It was my lovely wife who first saw this as something unique and worthy of sharing, in doing so, connecting my world with your’s.

Thanks for reading and Liking; sharing it with your friends is even better

Al Van Dyk

Sorry Ivy,
Lastly, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ivy the wonder pup. You are more than just an ordinary sidekick. You are my scapegoat for all things technical and my walking dictionary who is expected to have the right words ready when I need them. If you feel like I take you for granted and I exploit your companionship; I probably do. Speak up if it happens again.

How could you have missed de-Nile? 

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