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I Have a Secret

I Have a Secret

by | Nov 22, 2018 | Family and Friends

Great friendships are formed not so we can be somebody, but so we can be ourselves.

~ Al Van Dyk – Husband, Father, Renaissance Man and Average Joe

I have a secret, in fact, I have many. I’m sure that I am not the only one who keeps their past guarded, zipped up tighter than Newman’s mailbag. It’s okay. I really don’t need to know about your past and I presume that you will offer me the same smattering of grace. If there is something that I am hiding from you and you are hiding from me, we are equals, would you agree? But what if we are not supposed to keep our past a secret? What if The Story of our Lives is Not a Secret to Hold but a Story to be Told?

Secrets Equalize

I have Parkinson’s. Okay, it’s not much of a secret. It has been one of the worst kept secrets, ranking right up there with tips on how to get in on the initial public offering of High Times. In the case of those coveted stocks, as long as the company can keep their dirt a secret, their silence is the great equalizer putting both of us on a level playing field. As long as there are enough stocks to go around, we are both good with each other. If neither you nor I have inside information, there is parity between us, but if I know something that you don’t, no such parity exists. And where there is no parity, there is no peace.

There is something appealing about maintaining secrecy. We can make assumptions about what secrets others hold close, and choose to let them into our world or keep them at bay. On a recent trip, I needed to catch a cab to the airport. On the way, the driver and I started to make small talk to fill the awkward silence in the car. Out of curiosity, I asked the driver how long he had been driving. He responded, “Only a few months.” Next, he proceeded to tell me that he had just retired from a high-level position in one of the many branches of government that conduct secret missions all around the world. As he was speaking, my mind must have drifted a bit because the only thing I remember saying when he asked me what I do for a living was “Yeah, me too.”

What are the chances that two people that spent their entire careers doing top-secret work all around the world would meet in a taxi in an undisclosed city traveling to an airport that I am not at liberty to identify? In hindsight, I have my doubts the driver believed me.

Secrets Protect

Not all of the secrets that we keep are for our protection, some we keep for the protection of those we care about. We think that we can protect them from what they may see or hear. Case in point, a friend invited me to have breakfast with him. Even though I have only known him for a relatively short time, there is an uncommon transparency in our relationship. I am not sure how or why it happened so quickly, but it did.

He knew the highlights of my life but I knew very little about his. Growing up in a bubble, I had the misconception that those with whom I cross paths lived in a similar bubble. When he began to share with me his story, he kept me at the treetops, never delving into the details. Yet he said enough for me to appreciate his candor and openness, and in doing so, conveyed this powerful message: We all have a story, and it’s likely that it is much different from what others think that it is.

The next few minutes felt like hours, as he took pieces of my story that I had shared with him and weaved them together into a picture of someone I didn’t recognize; one of a person with tenacity and resolve, who brings with him a message of hope. Ironically it’s these same attributes, that I am drawn to in those I respect and admire, that he found in my story. He left me with this challenge — It’s time to let go, it’s time to tell my story.

Secrets Destroy

There are a few people that I was once very close to, that I never told that I had Parkinson’s. I just drifted off. I let my secret, as poorly kept as it is, destroy my friendships. I let my secret take the place of transparency for reasons that still elude me.

I have a story, one that has taken me places I never intended to go and to impact others and be impacted in ways that I never thought possible. How can, or why should, I deny a narrative that few can fathom and far fewer could endure. But then again, there are so many more, like my friend, that lived through pain and abuse on a scale that I cannot fathom and am doubtful that I could endure.

Secrets Revealed

I have a secret, in fact, I have many. But so do most, if not all, of you. In all honesty, the jury is still out as far as what I will do with them. In the past, I used them to build walls, so impenetrable that they could withstand a band of rogue Trojans fleeing from a defunct trade-school in California. Now, those same barriers seem unnatural and unhealthy. So, now what?

Can I live with shallow and superficial friendships based on half-truths, tall tales, or is it tails, and outright lies? Do I take my cues from the likes of C. S. Lewis, and other dead European Inklings? Or should I opt for a hip, soulless, contemporary voice of our time? Funny, John Boehner never came to mind as hip or contemporary.

Welcome to my extraordinary life! Thanks for reading, liking, and sharing!

Good Idea, Ivy, we can sell our story, and T-shirts, too. Do you want to go on tour — to California? You do realize that California is still part of AmeriKa?

Al and his faithful, and intercontinental sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.

Nice catch on the spelling error, Ivy. It’s good to see that all those years of homeschooling paying off.

Storytellers Unite ~ Let the Truth Be Told

Storytellers Unite ~ Let the Truth Be Told

by | Apr 25, 2018 | Family and Friends

There is one inside of each of us, a storyteller longing to be heard. Everyone likes to talk about one thing more than any other, their story — the one in which they get center stage and can capture a role that makes them larger than life; a hero no less. And why not, who better than I can cast me in the best possible light. Would you, or do you leave out the elements of your story that make you look inept, feeble or reckless? I suspect the answer would be yes even though it would make your story more believable and more, well, human.

Storyteller Mode

Now and then I find myself drifting into storyteller mode only to drop in another snippet for those that have heard just bits and parts of my story. For selfish reasons, I have decided to share just some of the dots leaving much to the reader’s imagination. For now, it’s all the listener needs. If the story lacks flare, I can always add more dots.

Case in point; Long before I met my lovely wife when I was younger and more carefree, I broke my ankle in a somewhat embarrassing way. In an attempt to avoid coming across as inept, feeble or reckless, I would stretch the bounds of reality for those that would ask. If someone asked, I would provide an off the cuff remark. But if the person was gullible, and female, the more creative the story became. It wasn’t like I was running for political office, I was only trying to get someone to hold the door open for me while I tried to get through with my crutches.

I wonder how many believed that my parachute didn’t open and lived to tell about it, which is a far cry from the truth. More on that later – maybe. As I said, I wasn’t running for office; I just found a creative way to break the ice. Perhaps even pocket a phone number or two.

That’s Low

That was then; this is now. Today, that same approach would be considered shallow and superficial even Clinton-esque. After all, what difference does the truth matter anyway? If our stories are meant to make us look heroic, then the skydiving narrative may hold water. If the purpose is to make me look human, then I have some work to do.

Still, as a storyteller, I want to keep that my options open, mainly if I feel the need to leave my audience with the perception that I am larger than life. It’s not like I’m running for office or anything, I’m just trying to add some drama to the retelling of a sleepless night. In my version of my story, I’m pretty sure that no catfish or rabbits were in danger, and any similarity between the characters and situations…places or persons, living or dead, is unintentional and coincidental.

Connections Matter

Stories, when taken singularly, are just that; one person’s rendition of event’s. However, where your story intersects with my story, and my story intersects, hypothetically speaking, with a sharpshooter on the west coast and some other guy Philly — the one no one is sure what he does – collectively our story takes on a depth and a richness that is unique and captivating.

It’s that depth that draws people into your story and to mine. It’s sharing what we must endure, our struggle with and against our common enemy. It’s conveying the angst of life-changing events with which others can identify that makes our stories worth telling and will prompt them to pause and to listen. Stories of resolve, of tenacity and of courage demonstrated by a few average Joe’s that enjoy an occasional beer can and do change lives.

Welcome to my story. I’m just an average Joe, who enjoys an occasional beer, trying to avoid the gopher holes under the volleyball nets of life. I decided it was time to come clean after all these years; just in case I decide to run for office someday.

Care to follow along?

Yes, Ivy gophers are real. They aren’t just inflatables that people put in their yard in the fall.

Al and his faithful, rodent eradicating sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup

Those would be wolverines, Ivy.

Why Birthday Greetings Matter

Why Birthday Greetings Matter

by | Sep 24, 2017 | Family and Friends

The Best Birthday Ever

This week I want to take a break from my ordinary ramblings and share a personal note of thanks to so many that have touched my life over the past six years. Monday morning, on my birthday, I opened my Facebook page only to find a message posted by my wife, my rock, that was way to kind and far to gracious. More on that later, maybe.

My birthday serves as a marker of sorts. It represents the beginning of a journey, one that would soon become my battle with Parkinson’s. It is only fitting that I take a moment to thank all those that have stood alongside, or walked beside me. Whether you like it or not, you are part of my story.

It was at my 50th birthday party, a gift from my wife, where it became evident to others, then to her and finally to me, that something was wrong. Doctor’s appointments would soon follow, complete with the now all-too familiar mobility and dexterity tests, that would all culminate into a life-changing declaration by a man in a white coat with letters behind his name, “You have Parkinson’s.”

We are Family

As the saying goes, you don’t get to pick your family. My family has been my rock. If it were not for my lovely wife, I would still be in de-Nile; sorry typo. Siri, I was not referring to a river in Egypt. Never mind. My three children have watched their father change from a cantankerous “old man who didn’t like kids” to a cantankerous old man who thinks the world of each of them.

My brother and sister and their respective families were surprised to learn that their brother can write. From the beginning, they have been faithful readers and loyal supporters interjecting words of affirmation and support with enough encouragement to keep me writing and enough truth to keep me humble.

Lisa’s family has covered me with heart-felt words of compassion and concern at times when their words would mean the most to one so undeserving. You have followed my story with your own commentary and support. You are able to put aside my digs at your mascot; an inebriated Sparty pulling a tanker of gasoline and carrying the family pack of Bic lighters. My thanks to you for so faithfully reading, liking and sharing.

I extend my heartfelt gratitude to my professional network of co-workers, contractors, peers, and professionals, that would look beyond the occasional tremor or typing errors, who still see me as one who is vibrant and capable with a brilliant mind unencumbered by a physical condition.

Warriors and Travelers

Then there are those with whom I now share a bond. To David and to Joe and Chris, to Paul and to Brian, you are “brothers from another mother.” Each of you continue to find a way to adapt, to fight and to win. Through you and because of you, resolve has a face and courage a name. I have the privilege to stand in your shoes and to weave my story with yours. 

Saints in Our Midst

Then there all those of you that fall into this camp — friends new and longstanding that have generously shared words of encouragement showering my family and me with prayers for compassion. You are a beacon, giving me a glimpse of Heaven on Earth. My thanks go out to Steve, to Randy, to Bill and Donna, to Kristin and to Merlin, to Ben, Bob and Julie and friends at Jamestown Harbor, to Lisa’s Bible study girls and to the old neighbors and of course the new!

Time and Distance

Finally, there are a few that I have not officially told, those who have been a part of my life in years past but because of my laziness and drift, I have lost touch. I couldn’t help but notice your name on the list of those passing along their best wishes; I thank you for your open hand of friendship.

My Rock

If you have read my blog for any length of time, you will notice that I frequently refer to my ability to write as a gift, as “…something given generously to the undeserving intended to be a blessing to others.” At the risk of sounding pretentious, I write because I have story to tell and I have this gift, the ability to connect words with thoughts in creative ways, meant “to be a blessing to others.” It was my lovely wife who first saw this as something unique and worthy of sharing, in doing so, connecting my world with your’s.

Thanks for reading and Liking; sharing it with your friends is even better

Al Van Dyk

Sorry Ivy,
Lastly, I owe a debt of gratitude to Ivy the wonder pup. You are more than just an ordinary sidekick. You are my scapegoat for all things technical and my walking dictionary who is expected to have the right words ready when I need them. If you feel like I take you for granted and I exploit your companionship; I probably do. Speak up if it happens again.

How could you have missed de-Nile? 

All Things Light and Fluffy – Bands on the Beach, Silent Disco and the Sounds of Summer.

All Things Light and Fluffy – Bands on the Beach, Silent Disco and the Sounds of Summer.

by | Jul 2, 2017 | Family and Friends

This week, I was asked by my lovely wife to write about something light and fluffy. At first, I was taken aback by her request. Isn’t going into battle against rogue trolls considered light and fluffy? Isn’t questioning the Almighty light and fluffy? Since when is analyzing a bucket of rocks not the epitome of light and fluffy? I suspect that this is her way of saying that I need to take a break from the pressures of ordinary life to enjoy the sounds of summer that make this season so special, so unique and so memorable.

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The Land of No

The Land of No

by | May 14, 2017 | Family and Friends

I have long been criticized by my family that my first response to any request, no matter how simple, is to first say, “No”. “No, you cannot get your belly-button pierced… No, you cannot pull the trampoline closer to the pool… No, you can’t pre-buy the iPhone 8.” All reasonable requests in their eyes but not in mine. My kids grew up in the land of No.

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