I have long been criticized by my family that my first response to any request, no matter how simple, is to first say, “No”. “No, you cannot get your belly-button pierced… No, you cannot pull the trampoline closer to the pool… No, you can’t pre-buy the iPhone 8.” All reasonable requests in their eyes but not in mine. My kids grew up in the land of No.
With little room for discussion, they seldom understood my reasoning but over time they would learn to accept that I would not allow them to do anything that would cause them harm, denigrate them selves or harm others. I am certain, more times than not, all of them felt that I was holding back something that was so vital to their very identity that they would die if I denied their request.
Fast forward a few years, they all survived, they never missed a meal and they never had to sleep in a refrigerator box under a bridge. But living in the land of No did not always prepare them to experience the consequences of living in a world where they were free to act and do as they pleased. Neither did it create an atmosphere that they could have experiences outside of my comfort zone.
The land of No is not the end of the story, but the tie that binds all the years I have been married to my lovely wife and the mother of my beautiful children. She is nothing like me, the polar opposite. She, too, grew up in a home reminiscent of the Land of No, but she grew beyond it and invaded my world with reason, with discussion and with openness. Day after day, month after month, year after year, she challenged my view that the land of No was all there is.
Even after all these years of marriage, I still claim to have the best wife in the world. But more importantly, my kids have the best mom in the world. She gives of her self with what can only be described as an endless supply of patience, love and affirmation. She decided a long time ago that she had No interest in living in the Land of No. She envisioned a world more reminiscent of, “No, because…” an occasional “maybe…” and even a generous supply of “yes…” all cloaked in her never ending love for them.
She freely gives of herself, and will never deny them the support, love and encouragement that they desire.
Happy Mother’s Day, I love you always and more each day. Thanks for keeping me focused on what matters most.
Ivy says she’s sorry for jumping on the bed when you’re not looking, and eating your shoes, and digging up your flowers, and…She loves you too.
Your adoring husband and his faithful sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.