by Al Van Dyk | Jul 8, 2019 | Attitude is Everything
Who knew that the road to Utopia is littered with lollipop wrappers and dead unicorns. This is one of the times that only the coarsest imagery can convey the reality of living a paradox; that freedom can best be found when we let go of our lost treasure, when we suspend our failed efforts to obtain what we once pursued, and we boldly embrace the unknown and unimaginable.
Owning our Story
Those of us in the club at some point, had to decide if, when, and to whom, we tell our secret. Some of us were able to control the timing, however, for many others, that decision was made for them. Maybe it was a tremor or fall that caught the attention of someone outside of their inner circle, and now feel compelled to explain to those outside of the walls they have built for their protection.
My family and I have differing perspectives when it comes to the intrinsic value of all-things Zuckerberg. I tend to think of it more in terms of the way the Wonder Pup understands television — why bother; it’s not real. Do I really need to know what the friend of a third-cousin ordered at Steak-n-Shake last night? A steady diet of such revelations might leave me to believe that everyone is vacationing in exotic locales, eating at the finest restaurants or attending band camp. Why should I let the thought police and algorithms deployed by Zuckerberg decide who are my friends and what content they see?
Nonetheless, our story is told whether we tell it or we allow others to advance their rendition. Who better than you can tell your story?
Protecting Our Story
Sharing our story is not for the thin-skinned or weak-kneed. It will come with risks, and we will pay the price. It wasn’t all that long ago that someone took it upon themselves to share something I had told them in strict confidence. Then in a feeble attempt to stroke her ego, she fabricated a version that was slanderous, demeaning, and just plain wrong. Imagine my surprise that I learned while sitting in a meeting that I was suffering from a condition that I was not. Fortunately, I have access to those in the medical community whom I trust that took issue with this faux practitioner’s assessment and reassured me that was not the case. What was one person’s attempt to denigrate and malign now offers me an opportunity that is making my financial advisor salivate.
We can’t sit idly by, while those who do not have our best interest in mind, spread rumors and innuendo. It is our legacy that is on the line. To adopt a line from my alma mater, “What will you fight for?” If not you, then who.
Living our Story
Whether we choose to make our story public or we strive to keep it private, ultimately we will live out our story every day where others live out theirs. Our worlds are destined to collide, and our stories will become intertwined in ways that would make George Costanza cringe. We can’t become a person that we are not while we are waiting in an elevator, sitting in an interview, or having coffee with a friend. It takes more to become an Architect than just saying that we are one.
Our story will take on a life of its own. Those with whom we interact will retell the snippets that they find interesting, entertaining or salacious and not necessarily the ones we prefer to be shared. Nonetheless, by living and doing life with those we admire, we trust and will hold us accountable, our story over time will come to life and our true selves will be on display for the world to see. Together, we will celebrate our victories, and we will extend grace and be granted forgiveness when we stumble and fall.
So what do you want to do with your story? To leverage the tag-line from a once-mighty but now confused and soul-less shoe company, Just live it!
Thanks for reading, liking; sharing is encouraged.
Ivy, those aren’t dog treats in the closet — that’s where I keep my skeletons. I want them nearby in case I go into business making athletic shoes.
Al and his faithful, but consumer-savvy sidekick, Ivy the Wonder Pup.
I don’t know if Nike makes shoes for dogs, Ivy. Apparently, that will depend on Kaepernick. He seems more like a chameleon than a dog person.
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by Al Van Dyk | Apr 4, 2019 | Attitude is Everything
I like to use big words because it makes me feel like photosynthesis.
~ plagiarized from an airport gift shop in an undisclosed location
When our orderly and perfect world is anything but, our tendency is to believe the lies, those sweet little lies, that we tell our ourselves. The message is daunting and the delivery is ubiquitous — We don’t measure up. Are you ready to fight back and take the clutter of their message for what it is, nonsense; a poorly disguised attempt to shape how you see yourself and your worldview?
stuck
Meet Phil; he wants something and someone that are out of reach. The person that is the subject of his affection has no interest in him. He is stuck; he has to filter out his own nonsensical ideas that are proven to be offensive, ineffective or harmful. Through everyday interactions, he learns what it means to invest himself in the lives of those around him and accept the unfamiliar, a small sliver of the truth, or remain trapped. As the storyline progresses, Phil moves forward, one tick at a time, on a continuum that will transform him from ignorance to apathy and from ambivalence to indifference. Along the way, he learns something about himself, his motives and ultimately his character.
ignorant
We don’t know what we don’t know, and we don’t care about what we don’t know anything about. We dismiss our harsh words under the pretense that, either “We don’t understand” or “We don’t care.” On occasion, we will utter complete nonsense, and with righteous indignation criticize the temperament of those we hurt, encouraging them to toughen up.
apathetic
Then there are those times, we play the victim card, and expect that our circumstances are worse than those that others have to endure. We presume that because what others are experiencing may not be visible or palpable, theirs must be minuscule or manageable. It is our apathy that spawns brilliant statements such as “I feel your pain” or “Call me if you need me.”
tick, tick
Phil eventually learns that it is he that must change if he expects to get what he wants. His motives are no more pure or more sincere than when he started, but utilitarianism drives him to learn how to play the game. Phil still struggles, and in many respects, doesn’t get it, but sees his prize getting closer thinking she is warming to him. In reality, it is he that is changing and evolving.
ambivalent
It’s far better to question whether our actions hurt those that we care about than to be sure that they wouldn’t but be dead wrong. A few weeks ago, I posted birthday greetings to my that father that was very painful for my lovely wife to read. I wrote it thinking it was bright and witty even though, at the time, I was discouraged, and I was beginning to feel that I was losing ground. She saw through my thinly veiled sarcasm and could only see what remained; a raw nerve that was dark and bitter.
There is a difference between sympathy and compassion, between assistance and neediness. It was ego, an unhealthy pride, nurtured and matured while attending the school of hard knocks that put a swagger in my step, and an edge to my words that fostered an attitude of indifference to the needs of anyone traveling through my orbit. Now the pride that keeps me on my feet must battle a disease that wants to push me back on my knees. Strangely, my disease isn’t impressed with what I have done; it’s more interested in preparing me for what I have yet to accomplish.
a gopher’s tale
Phil’s story has a predictable ending. Yes, he gets the girl. Guess what Phil, I got the girl too. But my story, our story, is much more complicated than chasing a rodent through podunk Pennsylvania and it has more twists and turns than the back roads of Punxsutawney. Our story will make some laugh, it may make some cry, but best of all, the ending is yet to be written — and you can be a part of it.
Thanks for reading and liking, share it if you must,
Groundhogs are rodents Ivy; basically giant ground squirrels. Yes, they are like wolverines, only groundhogs are a lot tougher.
Al and his faithful, but zoologically ignorant sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
What makes them tougher? Even the smallest squirrel knows how to handle a Buckeye.
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by Al Van Dyk | Feb 17, 2019 | Attitude is Everything
There is freedom when you come to the place when you can accept that your life is totally screwed.
The Sharpshooter
One Message
Is there a different message you long to hear? One that instills hope and inspires charity; one that ignites passion and invites compassion. Is there a message that grants peace in the midst of our pain. It depends on who you ask.
One Life
Edgar was not known for his light and fluffy side. By most accounts, in his life, he had more than his share of hardships. His father abandoned him shortly after his birth and his mother died a year later. Gifted and socially connected, his gambling debts railroaded his education and was forced to drop out. His aspiration to attend West Point lasted less than a year before he was told to leave.
After the passing of his love interest, rumored to be married to someone else, he was overcome with grief and withdrew into his work. Late one evening while in is study, he had a visitor. Searching for answers, He began a conversation with his visitor, pressing him to answer questions that most would consider unanswerable; questions that would cause him the most pain.
Revlon Anyone?
Occasionally, only a coarse word can convey an ugly truth. I apologize in advance for exploiting my friend’s candor for my selfish interests.
It has been almost two months since we last spoke, his words still haunt me. At the time, I thought it was some cryptic message or was he pointing me to a reality that I have yet to experience?
I will be the first to admit that I have a tendency to withdraw from those with whom I am close when a good day isn’t all that good. I could put on my happy face but there is nothing more superficial than putting “lipstick on a pig.” Of course, it wouldn’t hurt me to spend less time at the make-up counter looking for just the right shade to compliment my sour grapes.
But those who care for us and about us, will prompt us to put our self-pity on a shelf, to look beyond the bad days and find reasons to live in the moment. Today, we can endure the challenges we will encounter today; tomorrow can wait.
One Message
The visitor didn’t offer any insight that night, he simply answered Edgar”s questions in the only way the visitor could.
- Are you here to bring comfort?
- Is there a balm…a medical treatment…that would heal my pain?
- Will I see her again?
To each question, the answer he received from his visitor The Raven came in the form of a single word:
Nevermore
One Hope
That message is this. Don’t ask advice from those who feed off of the misery of others, who don’t have your best interests at heart, and have no interest in helping you carry your burdens.
To my friend, I would like to leave you with this, “Your life matters. Your generous spirit has touched many, including mine. Those whose lives you touched carry your burden as if they are their own.”
May you find peace, an everlasting peace, in the One who gives freely, and in his presence, rest for the tired and the weary.
And about the bird, don’t let him get to you. Surely you know someone who knows someone who can take care of an annoying bird perched on top of your door. It will never know what hit him
——<<O>>——
Thanks for reading, liking, and sharing,
Al and his faithful, but culturally isolated sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
The kid with the yellow hair? His name is Bart. It wouldn’t hurt you to put down your books and watch TV once in a while.
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by Al Van Dyk | Jan 20, 2019 | Attitude is Everything
I thought you were dead!
~ John Fain, bad guy
How do you want your story to end? Consider Big Jake! The storyline is familiar, an unlikely hero emerges seemingly from out of nowhere to right a wrong and punish the villain. Jacob had a stake in the outcome of this fight but was disengaged and aloof. When he did engage, those engulfed in the battle questioned his sincerity and commitment. Jacob prevailed in such a fashion that even the villain was unsure who he was and had to ask, “Who are you anyway?”
Gaps Force Change
Are we almost there? It’s those four dreaded words emanating from the back seat of an SUV that can make even the most seasoned traveler cringe. We like to think that those we travel with have the same understanding of the complexities of our journeys and this distance we must travel. Seldom is that the case, maybe because we don’t fully understand it ourselves until the scenery has changed and the familiar is a distant memory.
It’s like living in a gap, a valley between the mountains. For those in the club, many of you have been where I recently found myself, suspended between conflicting ideas of what I can do and what I no longer can; of what is realistic and what is idealistic. It’s a place where simple hobbies and interest that used to bring enjoyment now add an unnecessary risk of harm to myself and to those around me.
Living On the Edge
It is in the gap where victory celebrations are forgotten, where words of encouragement are just that, mere words without passion now muffled by stiff fingers. It is a place where actions are hindered by another sleepless night. Many of you know all too well to which I speak. It is the realization that there is something fundamentally different about us as a result of our journey; a journey that keeps us at the edge of the abyss.
It is in this place of darkness that breeds a toxic mix of anger and bitterness that clouds our judgment. The same bitterness, when we give it unfettered access to our very essence, our soul, will influence our decision-making process, crowding out virtues such as hope and faith. It is these virtues that we desperately need to be victorious over the challenges we encounter each day.
The question stands. “Who are you, anyway?”
Accidental Victories
Every warrior knows that the battles we fight will be won before the day begins; each of us must begin with the heartfelt belief that, today, we can overcome the challenges we face, and we will stifle the attitudes that do us harm. Victories don’t come by accident. They are the result of many hard-fought battles that require nothing short of trench warfare, fighting tooth and nail at every turn to protect what we have and reclaim what we lost.
How do you want your story to end?
Living Our Story
The epitaph on his gravestone reads:
Tomorrow is the most important thing in life.
Comes into us at midnight very clean.
It’s perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands.
It hopes we’ve learned something from yesterday.
~ John Wayne a.k.a Jacob McCandles
Are you ready? Are you prepared to leave the gap? It can start today.
–<O>–
Thanks for reading, liking – feel free to share it if you must,
Ivy wants me to take her shopping. She is dreaming of new weaponry.
Al and his faithful, but overzealous sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
It’s a holster — for your scoop, Ivy. You didn’t think I was going to carry that thing, did you?
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by Al Van Dyk | Dec 30, 2018 | Attitude is Everything
If you don’t think that your life reads like a story, guess again! We have a tendency to think that our lives are linear because that’s the way that we live; Tuesday always follows Monday, just as June follows May. If you take a step back, you will notice that your story may intersect with someone who was instrumental during those defining moments, even if the occurrences are months, years or even decades apart. If it were possible to strip off the unintentional boundaries we place on our story, how do you think it would read like?
An Old Friend
About a generation ago, someone entered my life who thought differently and saw the world differently than anyone I had ever met before. He was looking for part-time work so he could finish college. I was looking for an employee. He, along with his wife and young children, moved to West side of Michigan from the East side; a distance of only 120-miles but decades in terms of cultural nuances.
I grew up in a bubble, one defined by its Dutch heritage and theological ties to a particular Protestant denomination and the expectation that I would strive for inclusion in one of its many cliques. The rules were many, the rationale behind most were ambiguous, and at the time my willingness to fall lock-step into its rigid life-style was non-existent. It toed the line so I would not embarrass my parents, however, blinded by arrogance, I did so anyway. Growing up, the bubble was all I knew and I was not alone.
Our families were close and I decided to hire him not because he was like me but because he was nothing like me. He was an academic with the heart of a teacher enrolled in a rigid Master’s of Theology program at a nearby Seminary. I had a past that bordered on drinking excessively, working tirelessly, and barely making it through high school, which I did in spite of two “D’s” in Art and Phys. Ed., respectively.
It was he that planted the seed that education was a worthy investment of my time and treasure. The months he worked for me turned into years, and during those years our lives, and those of our families, became even more intertwined. Soon he graduated, and in a matter of a few months, he and his family moved away.
It was after he and his family moved away I realized there was something missing, even though I wasn’t sure what it was. It took me a few years, but ironically, I found myself enrolled in an accredited Bachelor’s of Business Administration program. In my mid-thirties, married with two small girls, I was officially a college student. He had left his mark.
A Blast from the Past
We lost touch during the next few decades, having spoken to each other only a few times in a span of twenty years. I learned through FaceBook of all things, that he moved back to the East side of the state. Coincidently, I often find myself on the East side. I made the bold move to try to reconnect. He agreed and we decided to meet for lunch.
I didn’t know what to expect since we hadn’t spoken in at least 15 years. That all changed when a familiar face approached my table. His greeting was sincere, “It’s great to see you.” He sat down, and without effort, we picked up where we left off. It was as if time stopped and now restarted.
The elephant didn’t arrive for some time, but it did; it always does. It was he that brought up the subject. I choked down my emotions and told him that it’s true. In the blink of an eye, we jumped forward 20-years, but for those brief moments, I was able to forget my recent past and was given the freedom to relive my distant past.
When we said our goodbyes, he mentioned that I was one of the few in his life with whom he could have a normal conversation. Standing before me, an intellectual grasshopper, was someone I considered a giant, the Master, who valued my friendship. Who would have thought that I, too, left my mark?
It’s Your Story
There is fluidity in this narrative when you tell it like a story. In about 900 words, I was able to span thirty plus years with sufficient detail that you and I could make a connection. If I were a gambling person, I would wager that most, if not all, of you were able to recall a similar friendship with someone in your life. If so, my story is now connected to yours.
The story of our lives is not a secret to hold…it’s a story to be told. Why does it matter?
Stay tuned!
Thanks for reading and liking — share it if you must.
Ivy, not every story will come with pictures. Sometimes you need to use your imagination.
Al and his faithful, but pictorially enable sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup
You imagine that my friend looks like the guy on your favorite TV show with spooky eyes, who lives in a monastery and teaches young boys Marshall Arts? You’re good.
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by Al Van Dyk | Nov 10, 2018 | Attitude is Everything
The Antithesis of the Way We Were
There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.
~ C. S. Lewis; Scholar, Novalist, Apologist
Great memories are made when we least expect them. Do you long to return to the days when your cheerleading outfit was a symbol of your place in the social order, or the size of the engine in your hot-rod was your best pick up line? If so, you may be missing out on the best that is yet to come. To hold on tightly to our past, longing for yesterday negates the prospect that the future can offer an even better life. We sell ourselves short when we think only in terms of what once was, instead of what can be.
Unstoppable
There will be times that we want everything around us to stop so that we can take in the sights, the scenery or the sounds. But stagnation is not our friend; whatever it was that we want to hold on to tightly, will soon lose its appeal. When we look past the present, our here and now, to what the future has to offer, our focus can change from what it is that serves as a tether to what it will take to propel us forward.
Do you have a sense of purpose that is unstoppable? How can we shed attitudes that breed complacency and replace them with ones that foster optimism? Can the malaise, the uneasiness we see in our circumstances, be pushed aside and yield to intentionality and momentum? What will it take to gain traction and Inertia that make us passionate and unstoppable?
Consider these words from C. S. Lewis:
We are not living in a world where all roads are radii of a circle and where all, if followed long enough, will therefore, draw gradually nearer and finally meet at the centre: rather in a world where every road, after a few miles, forks into two, and each of those into two again, and at each fork, you must make a decision.
We don’t get to choose when we encounter a fork. Forks happen, and all too often we see them as an obstacle to overcome, forced upon us when we may be at a personal or professional low point. Frequently, it is when we are in these troughs, in the worst condition to make decisions, that we are forced to choose between forks that will be the most consequential.
Ironically, when confronted with possible life-changing decisions about our future, we draw from our past, taking stock of the unique talents and treasures with which we have been entrusted. When we are able to leverage experiences from our past, harness our insatiable drive for a better life, applying lessons we have learned, we can boldly embrace the unforeseeable with a sense of purpose and passion.
Unapologetic
Still, there is a time and a place to live in the here and now, and quite possibly it’s place is where you find yourself, and it’s time is now. A friend of mine, himself a member of the club, reminded me just the other day that sometimes you have to stop and smell the gunpowder. Offensive as his comments may be to those who lean left, his words struck a cord, serving as a reminder to carve out time in our quest to attain dominion over our sandbox to live in the moment.
Great memories are made when we least expect them, just as great friendships are formed not so we can be somebody but only when we find those with whom we can be ourselves.
It was C. S. Lewis who wrote:
Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art… It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival.
Looking back over the years, I have encountered many forks, and those I have taken with the support and encouragement of friends and family, have been the most memorable. The forks I have taken, I have done so without regret!
Unmistakeable
Each morning, when I walk into my new office, I see before me a reminder of how my life is different from what I thought it would be. The view out my window is a panoramic scene of Muskegon Lake that reminds me of how my goals have changed and how I have changed. I have a fond memory of a wind-less summer Saturday afternoon on that very lake many years ago that Lisa and I spent on my sailboat looking for even the slightest breeze that would get us back on course.
The lack of wind, in its own way, was a fork that brought about change, incremental as it was that put me on a course that was neither fathomable nor imaginable. Had I dropped the sails and started the engine, I would have missed out on what is now a fond memory of a time when I was naive and idealistic, and my goals were far less virtuous and my motives less pure. But that story is for another time — maybe.
Welcome to my extraordinary life! Thanks for reading, liking, and sharing!
You will have to forgive Ivy. She is pouting since I put a stop to her version of Go Fish.
Al and his faithful, but unsportsmanlike sidekick, Ivy the wonder pup.
Sorry Ivy, until you learn to “release” you will have to fish off the dock
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